The Lady In the Shoe

You remember the nursery rhyme about the lady who lived in the shoe and had so many children she didn't know what to do? I'm identifying with that woman.

Yesterday was just nutso. I came home from the grocery store to find a man with a ladder on my roof. Turns out he was an insurance adjuster inspecting the house for hail damage. As I carried in my groceries and chatted with Roof-guy, I noticed a little blonde-haired toddler walking down the center of our street with no adult in sight. She wore pink snow boots and was pushing her empty blue jogging stroller.

That didn't seem right. I didn't recognize the little girl, who looked about age two, at all. The only adults anywhere were myself and Roof-guy.

"Hey Sweetie, what's your name?" I asked as she looked at me with sky blue eyes. Silence. "Where do you live?" More silence. But she seemed willing to toddle after me as I went from house to house on my street, asking if anyone if she knew where she belonged. Finally, someone did and I returned her home. Her name is Bella, she is two and a half, and according to her mom, she is an escape artist. The mother didn't even realize she was gone.

"Good thing you aren't a child kidnapper," I told Roof-guy, who agreed.

I 'm willing to grant Bella's mom some grace. Two-year-olds are some of the most notoriously unpredictable and difficult people on earth, and if they want to wear their pink snow boots in August, I say "Let 'em." I also know how sneaky they can be: you think your child is taking a nap in his crib, when really he is in the kitchen, painting the walls with Hershey's Syrup and mustard.

After Miss Bella was safely home, my two noisy teen aged boys pulled up to the house with five of their friends, in three separate cars. The boys all proceeded to go on a Ramen-noodle feeding frenzy in the kitchen. Shortly after that, my daughter arrived home with one of her friends from elementary school.

"Just how many children to you have?" Roof-guy asked, watching the parade of children going by.

"Ten!" I said. "Do you want any?"

So if anybody needs me, I'll be like the lady in the shoe--feeding them all Ramen, spanking them soundly and putting them to bed. Oh--cancel that spanking part. I'm not in the mood for a visit from Social Services.